TVS2019

INT. FLEABAG’S FLAT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT

Sounds of a woman breathing.

Shot of the inside of a front door. Fleabag’s POV.

Shot of Fleabag a few steps away from the door, watching it as if she’s ready to pounce. Smudged makeup, hair tousled.

Out of breath.

Shot of the inside of a front door. Fleabag’s POV.

Shot of Fleabag. She turns to camera.

FLEABAG

(earnest, touch of pain. To camera)

You know that feeling when a guy you like sends you a text at 2 o’clock on a Tuesday night and asks if (TV2016-2019) asking if he can ‘come and find you’ and you’ve accidentally made it out like you’ve just got in yourself, so you have to get out of bed, drink half a bottle of wine, get in the shower, shave everything, dig out some Agent Provocateur business, suspender belt, the whole bit, and wait by the door until the buzzer goes—

(buzzer goes)

And then you open the door to him like you’d almost forgotten he was coming over.

She opens the door to a HANDSOME MAN.

FLEABAG

(casual) 

Oh hi!

ARSEHOLE GUY

Hey.

FLEABAG

Hey.

Beat.

ARSEHOLE GUY 

Hey.

FLEABAG

(to camera)

And then you get to it immediately.

They start snogging violently.

INT. FLEABAG’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

They are going at it on the bed; we are looking at Fleabag’s back while she is on top. In a throe of passion Arsehole Guy flips her over onto her side so she is facing us, with him behind her.

FLEABAG

(to camera)

After some pretty standard bouncing you realise that he is edging towards your arsehole. But you’re drunk, and he made the effort to come all the way here so, you let him. He’s thrilled.

ARSEHOLE GUY

(whispered)

I’m so thrilled.

INT. FLEABAG’S BEDROOM – MORNING

Fleabag lies in bed, peacefully.

She suddenly opens her eyes and talks to us.

FLEABAG

(to camera)

And then the next morning, you wake to find him fully dressed, sat on the side of the bed, gazing at you…

REVEAL: Arsehole Guy is sat on the bed, gazing at Fleabag earnestly. Fleabag looks at him, and then back to camera.

FLEABAG

(to camera)

He says that—

ARSEHOLE GUY 

Last night was incredible.

FLEABAG

(to camera)

Which you think is an overstatement, but then he goes on to say that—

ARSEHOLE GUY

It was particularly special because I’ve never managed to actually… up the bum with anyone before–

FLEABAG

(to camera)

To be fair, he does have a large penis.

ARSEHOLE GUY

And although it’s always been a fantasy of mine, I’ve… never found anyone I could do it with.

FLEABAG

(to camera)

 And then he touches your hair.

He touches her hair.

FLEABAG

And thanks you with a genuine earnest.

ARSEHOLE GUY

(earnest)

Thank you. 

FLEABAG

(to camera)

It’s sort of moving. Then he kisses you gently.

He kisses her gently.

FLEABAG

(to camera) 

And then he leaves.

He leaves.

Beat.

Fleabag frowns.

FLEABAG

(to camera)

And you spend the rest of the day wondering—

CUT TO: INT. CAFÉ – MORNING

Fleabag sits with a cup of tea looking up into the distance pensively. A moment of real consideration passes before…

FLEABAG

(to the camera, concerned)

Do I have a MASSIVE arsehole?

TITLES: FLEABAG

PS2019 

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I text him. Tell him I’m single and horny. He gets back saying (NT2019) he says he’s out, and can be here in twenty minutes. Great. Quickly drink half a bottle of wine, shower, (NT2019) get in the shave everything. Decide I’m going to up my game a bit. (NT2019) little Dig (NT2019) Pull out some Agent Provocateur business – suspender belt, the whole bit. —

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— Open the door to him. ‘Hellooo.’ —

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— We get to it immediately. —

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— After some pretty standard bouncing, I realise he is edging towards my arsehole. I’m drunk, (NT2019) But and owe him a ‘thank you’ for being nice to me at the festival, so… I let him. He’s thrilled. —

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— The next morning I wake to find him sitting on the bed, fully dressed, gazing at me. —

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— He says that — (NT2019) He tells me

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— last night was incredible —

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–which I think is (NT2019) was an overstatement – but he goes on to say —

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— it was particularly special because he has never managed to actually… up-the-bum with anyone before —

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– to be fair, he does have a large penis –

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— and although (NT2019) even though it was (NT2019) has always a fantasy of his, he’d never found anyone who could do it with him.– Tooltip content

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— He touches my hair —

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— and thanks me with genuine earnest. —

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–It’s sort of moving. He kisses me gently. I kiss him back. —

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— (NT2019) And Then (NT2019) he could do it with he leaves. —

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— And I spend the rest of the day wondering… —

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— Do I have a massive arsehole?

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Watch TV2016:

Watch NT2019:

TVS2019 — Fleabag: The Scriptures television shooting script.

PSC2019 — Fleabag: The Special Edition play script. The color indicates text missing or changes for television.

NT2019 — West End performance, notes indicate changes from the published script (PSC2019).

TV2016-2019 — Television performance, notes indicate changes from published script (TVS2019).